


after the fireworks had died out

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Fred Weasley's Funeral, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Weasley Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 13:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7716610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ginny doesn't know how to cope, how to try, but she promised everyone she would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	after the fireworks had died out

**Author's Note:**

> A short fanfic of something I should have written long ago - and should just have been included in the book instead of the epilogue of the kids in my opinion.

Ginny had promised that she would be able to handle it, countless times, until the words had left her and she just hummed whenever the question was asked once again. They knew what she meant, they all knew what the hum meant after the first time they heard it. They knew it meant that she had no words left to be said, just like the rest of her siblings. Only her parents were brave enough to ask if they were okay, even though they already knew the answer.

No one was okay, but they pretended they were. And nobody questioned. It was the accepted response, because no one wanted to ask them any further. It was better for everyone if they just smiled and nodded, pretending it was all fine.

Ginny was no different. Whenever someone grabbed her shoulder reassuringly, she would look up, listened to the words they spoke, but never truly hear them, and nod. It was as if she was living a dream. Nothing seemed completely real to her anymore, it was just a blur she passed through from the moment she woke up, until she went back to bed. And even though she was not the only one, there was no one she could talk to - there was no one who she could cope with.

She sat on the couch, her feet crossed as she started at the flowers on the tittle table. There must have been an imprint from where she sat on the couch by then, but it really didn't matter. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. She tried to care, she tried to eat on the times she was supposed to, but everything tasted like dirt. Her mouth felt dry and her eyes were rimmed, as if she had cried all the liquid out of her body - while she hadn't shed a single tear. She couldn't, she had promised she would be strong to her mother.

Percy walked in and sat down next to her. There were no words, they weren't necessary. They just sat and stared down at the flowers, both thinking the exact same thing. How beautiful the flowers were on a day nothing was allowed to be beautiful.

On a day like that, the sky was to be dark, it was to rain, as if the world grieved with them, but instead it was a beautiful day outside. Ginny didn't know whether to be hurt by that, or glad. So she didn't feel anything, as that seemed the most easy thing to do at the moment.

Charlie walked in. He saw them and looked at them for a second, before sitting down on the other side of Ginny, never breaking the silence. They could hear him swallow, for what reason, they didn't know, but they could imagine. A sigh left Percy, a sigh which sounded defeated. But no one said a word, they didn't have to.

They didn't know how long they said there, but it didn't really matter either. They just sat and looked at something which didn't seem to be there. Perhaps they were thinking back of memories that would slowly fade with time. Perhaps they wished they could relive the past and undo what had been done, but they never stood up, they never did as much as turn their heads to look at something else.

The past was something which could not be undone, no matter how one would wish it could be. It stung. Even when Ginny had told herself that she should just stop caring all together, at least on the surface, it stung. The truth was always harder to hear when it was not what you wanted to hear from it.

They all stood up when George finally walked into the room. They hadn't expect him to come, like they hadn't expected their parents or Bill, who were outside together with Fred and some guests. Ron was somewhere around.

George smiled halfheartedly at them and picked one of the flowers from the bouquet on the table, placing it in Ginny's hair behind her ear. He broke the silence by telling her she looked nice and pushed a strain of hair from her face, kissing her on top of her forehead.

Ginny thanked him, looking up at him and allowed a small smile on her face for a second.

"It's time?" Percy asked, even though he knew very well it must have been. He just needed confirmation, like they all needed it. To remind themselves that this was happening and it wasn't just some part of the dream they felt they were living, that it was in fact a world from which they couldn't wake up and forget what had happened.

"Yeah." George nodded and turned to look at the bouquet on the table. Charlie seemed to know what he meant without him saying a word, so he leaned down to pick the bouquet up. Ginny wanted to reach up to her hair and put the flower back, but she couldn't same to move, the same way she had while on the couch. She just stared at the bouquet, seemingly lost in thought.

Percy lay his hand on her shoulder. "Come on, let's get going," he said and they followed their siblings out of the living room door and out of the house.

Outside of the house stood the white tent in which Bill and Fleur had gotten married. Bill had stood on it. Rows of chairs could be seen, all with white roses around the legs. Molly had liked the detail and Ginny hadn't disagreed with her. It looked elegant and pretty, especially with the weather being what it was.

Percy had let go of her shoulder and moved past her. Everything seemed to move past her, as it felt like she had been stuck in the same place, with the same routine, since forever. She wished she could just move, but she also knew that if she did, she would have to face what lay beyond and even though she had known that such a moment had been coming for weeks, she wasn't ready. Ginny didn't think she would every be ready.

Everyone was there, her family stood at the entrance of the tent, together with Harry and Hermione. Even Ron was there, even though she hadn't seen him all day. There was only one missing family member, but she knew exactly where he was. He was waiting inside of the tent for the rest of them. People had already made their way into the tent and sat down, talking in low voices, but the front row was for family. Molly had insisted Harry and Hermione should also sit there.

Ginny felt as if she was walking in slow motion when she finally managed to put one of her feet in front of the other and walk towards her family. Molly hugged her and whispered some sweet words to her, but she didn't hear them.

Something she didn't know she needed was George who held her hand as they walked into the tent and were the last ones to sit down. Percy and Charlie sat next to her, just as they had sat on the couch. As if they had been unconsciously preparing themselves.

Ginny didn't have to search to see their last remaining family member, as Fred was in front of her. He lay in a wooden coffin on top of a table.

They had chosen to close the coffin, so they would be able to remember his features, his hair, his smile from when he was still so very much alive. He had always been so full of life and it seemed just wrong to take that image away from people.

The funeral passed in a blur. Ginny could hear her mother cry and her father trying to consult her, while wiping away tears himself. Percy tried to casually blow his nose as he tried not to show he was crying. Bill and Fleur held each other, while Charlie bit his lip and tried to keep wiping away the seemingly endless stream of tears. Ron just cried his throat raw, he tried to keep calm but it made him sound as if he was choking. Ginny couldn't shed a single tear.

She just watched as people came and went, talking about Fred, how he had been a great friend and family member, how he would always be remembered and how he would have wanted them to celebrate his memory, instead of mourn his passing.

Despite all those claims being true, Fred would have wanted that, she couldn't help wonder how no one dared to speak ill of him now. Fred had never been the perfect brother, he had flaws, but that was what had made him the brother she knew. Yet, now those flaws were glossed over and Ginny didn't know if the people talking had really known Fred as well as they thought. Fred had been flawed in many ways, but that was the person he was. The person she had loved. She hadn't loved Fred for his perfections, but for his flaws, which made him an individual. But now he was being painted as everyone else when they died. Someone who could not be spoken ill of.

Only George joked throughout his whole speech, just as Fred would have. Only George managed to smile and cheer for Fred, despite him being already gone. But not even he could stand there and talk about his brother without finally losing his spirit at the end. "Fred was my twin brother," he said, frowning slightly as he looked down at the crowd. "All of us have lost a dear friend, family member or all around great guy, but I can safely say that every time I look into the mirror, I see Fred." Once again tear seemed to get a hold of him. "And I know he wouldn't have wanted that, you know. He would have wanted me to smile, like we used to, but I'm not sure I can anymore. But I will try. For my family, for my friends, but most of all for Fred."

Ginny heard their words and wished she could cry. Her throat felt soar and she bit her lip, feeling tears burn behind her eyes. But she couldn't. She had promised everyone she would be strong. "Being strong doesn't mean you can't cry," Hermione would tell her later, to which she could only shake her head.

Charlie talked about how he had wished to have had more time with Fred and Percy talked about the war, about how Fred had smiled and that smile would never leave him.

After everyone had said what they had to say, Fred would be buried on the ground of the house, something which they had decided would be a private event for the family, or the ones sitting on the front row, for that matter as Harry and Hermione were also welcomed.

People moved passed and would take a seat somewhere else, they would get something to drink and connect, laugh and talk with the rest of the guests now the ceremony was over. All the things Fred used to do, but would never be able to do again.

They watched the coffin being lowered into the ground and it stung again. Ginny didn't cry, but she watched when the last remains of her brother were finally buried so he may find peace. That thought scared her. When someone told her he was somewhere better, she had shaken her head and told them that Fred had loved life more than anything, that there was no place better for him than here.

When he was lowered down into the grave, Ginny was so very scared. She was scared of forgetting things about Fred, things of which she would never be reminded again. How his smile was different from George's, how he'd always be willing to play Quidditch with her in the backyard, how he'd secretly do impressions of Percy behind his back. She knew he had done those things, but she was scared of forgetting them over time.

Ginny was scared of losing her brother again.

They moved into the house, Ron having his arm around. All their eyes were rimmed and perhaps it was best no one approach them to say their condolences.

"I just want to go to my room for a moment," Ginny said and Molly nodded, as she understood that Ginny might need some time for herself. They all did, but instead they spend time together as if it would be able to comfort their loss. Ginny didn't bother, she didn't see why she would. She had bothered enough, but now she just needed some time to think, she told herself. They nodded when she walked passed, trying a bit to smile at her, though it never reached their eyes. How could it?

Ginny walked up the stairs, into her room and closed the door. She leaned against the door and let herself slide down onto the floor. There, she finally let herself cry. She cried until she couldn't see through the tears anymore, until no sound made its way out of her soar throat, until she shook and hugged herself because everything had suddenly turned so cold.

She cried about unfairness, about the times she'd had with Fred and the times she would never have again. She cried about his loss and his memory, instead of celebrating it like he would have wanted. She mourned him, for the first time of his death, she allowed herself to mourn.

She allowed herself to be sad, to let her walls crumble down and let her pain wash over her. Later, she would try to laugh again, she'd watch the fireworks and hug her family members, but not while she still allowed herself to be sad. And now she had finally allowed herself to cry, she didn't know how to stop.

Ginny tried to stand up, but her legs weren't working and she fell down again. She cried. Her shoulders shook when she could spot something under her bed, hiding in the corner. Her curiosity won her over and she tried to wipe her soundless tears away, before crawling to the object under the bed. She reached out and her hand touched a wooden box, which she pulled out from under her bed.

Inside was a ball, a sweater. She remembered the sweater. Mom had knitted it for her, but as she was caught up talking with the twins, she had knitted on an F instead of a G. So Fred had tried to fit in on, despite it being way to small for him.

A smile managed to appear on Ginny's face, be it a sad one. She buried her head in the sweater, wetting it with her tears. "I miss you so much," she whispered hoarsely, as if Fred would be able to hear her. She hugged the sweater, as if it was Fred and she was scared than whenever she let go, she'd lose him again. "I miss you, Fred," she cried, finally allowing herself to see why she had been so lifeless the last couple of days. It had felt unfair to be alive when Fred wasn't.

Now she saw that Fred hadn't died for that. Fred had died in a war for their freedom, for what they believed in, so they could live to see another day in the world they loved and grew up in. But what Ginny had done was slowly kill herself, which was not what Fred would have wanted.

' _What Fred would have wanted_ ', she had heard a lot over the last couple of days, but she knew it to be true.

"I'm sorry... I love you."


End file.
